Meditationen am Gnadenstuhl: Tuesday of Judica (Lent V)
Tuesday of Judica (Lent V)
Daily Lectionary Readings: Exodus 2:23-3:22; Mark 14:53-72; (Sirach 28)
Mark 14:66–72 [66] And as Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came, [67] and seeing Peter warming himself, she looked at him and said, “You also were with the Nazarene, Jesus.” [68] But he denied it, saying, “I neither know nor understand what you mean.” And he went out into the gateway and the rooster crowed. [69] And the servant girl saw him and began again to say to the bystanders, “This man is one of them.” [70] But again he denied it. And after a little while the bystanders again said to Peter, “Certainly you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” [71] But he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know this man of whom you speak.” [72] And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, “Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” And he broke down and wept.
Today, our meditation is excerpted from my sermon on Peter's betrayal from our Lenten series "Witnesses to Christ."
In the Name of the Father, & of the Son + & of the Holy Spirit
Grace to you and peace from the One Who Is & Who Was & Who Is to Come!
Have you ever been party to an event so profound, disturbing, or hurtful that the guilt stuck with you as you relived it over and over for days on end (or months, or years… or decades)? And even though you were there, you saw it happen, you still couldn't come to terms with the fact that you just did this, you had a finger in this, your words or actions or lack thereof caused this to happen. Denial is a robust cognitive process our brains use in an attempt to alter our experience of unwanted or unacceptable emotions. We can use denial to hide from any negative emotion, including shame, fear, guilt, or distress. Denial cocoons you from a harsh reality. Denial soothes guilt.
Tonight we will sit with Peter beside the charcoal fire. Perhaps we will see that we are, each of us, a denier just like Peter. What would you do if Jesus Himself came to you directly and told you that you would reject Him? St. Mark records this exchange between Jesus and Peter on the way to the Garden of Gethsemane: Jesus said to them, “You will all fall away, for it is written, ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered.’ But after I am raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.” Peter said to him, “Even though they all fall away, I will not.” And Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times.” But he said emphatically, “If I must die with you, I will not deny you.” And they all said the same.1
Peter is the one we picture when one of Jesus' disciples puts their foot in their mouth. But Peter's voice is simply the loudest. Peter merely puts words to what all of the disciples were thinking. Were you thinking the same? "I'll never fall away!" But Peter did fall away. Then his guilt got the best of him, causing him to run, which could have destroyed him. Spoiler alert! It didn't because Jesus' grace beat Peter's guilt.
Peter wants to be the one in control. He wants his voice to be heard and listened to. He wants to believe his faith is solid and steadfast. He learns, one denial at a time, that it is not, and his foundations begin to crack. A servant girl comes up to Peter and says, "'You also are not one of this man's disciples, are you?' He said, 'I am not.'"2 The first crack. Peter then stands by a fire to keep warm. Some bystanders say to him, “You also are not one of His disciples, are you? He denied it and said, ‘I am not.’“3 The second crack. When there are enough cracks, there will always be a collapse! Always!
Here it is. One of Malchus’s relatives spots Peter and asks, “Did I not see you in the garden with Him?”4 "Peter again denied it, and at once a rooster crowed."5 Let those three words sink in: "A rooster crowed." When the collapse occurs, an uninvited and unwanted guest takes up residence inside your skull to begin crowing, and his name is guilt.
What kind of guilt are you carrying tonight? The guilt over the death of a loved one whom you think you could have helped? The guilt over lies and deceits to protect yourself from discovery or embarrassment? The guilt over lost opportunities, conversations never held, or actions taken (or not taken) that alienated you from someone you care about or hurt them? Guilt over lukewarm faith and sporadic church attendance? Guilt over not studying your Bible or praying as you ought? Is there anyone here who has not, at some point, been weighed down terribly by guilt? Is your guilt haunting you?
But. Peter shows us what we are to do when we succumb to this or any sin. He shows us true contrition. Judas showed remorse, but he tried to make amends by his own power. Peter shows us genuine, Godly sorrow. "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death."6
Peter's conscience was crushed by his sin. In what is perhaps the most profoundly personal and heart-rending scene in the Bible, at his final denial of Christ, immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.7 Could you imagine what that felt like? After all, you said and did to the contrary, selling Jesus out, and then, when his prediction came true, having to meet His eye across the courtyard? But Jesus brings Peter words of absolution and peace, the exact words He offers us each week. And He bids you to follow Him:
“If anyone would come after Me,” Jesus says, “let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”8
Through your Baptism into Christ, you have been given a gift more magnificent than the whole world. You have lost your life in this world for the sake of Christ. Now you have found life in Him and His kingdom. Now you are saved from sin, death, and the devil's power. You have the means of grace, His Word, and Sacraments to preserve you in that faith and strengthen you as you shoulder your cross. You now look forward to the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come. One of the gifts He won for you in His death and resurrection is the gift of letting go of your guilt because the sins you feel guilty for are entirely forgiven. Repent, and follow Him even unto death because complete healing awaits you on the other side. Share the gift of what He won for you in His death and resurrection with everyone. And that includes forgiving… and accepting forgiveness.
After the rooster crowed, Peter felt like a leftover, a has-been, marginalized, left out, rejected. That's what guilt does to us. Guilt turns us into miserable, weary, angry, duplicitous, stressed-out people. But God gives grace. Grace? Did someone say grace?
How does that happen? Fast forward to John chapter twenty-one, where Jesus asks Peter if Peter loves Him. Jesus asks the question three times—once for every time Peter had denied his Lord. And each time Peter confesses, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” Peter confessed his guilt. What gave him the faith to do that? While Peter was denying Jesus, Jesus was suffering for Peter. While Peter wept for himself, Jesus died for him.
Jesus doesn't wait until we get our act together. Jesus doesn't wait until we overcome our temptations, fight our demons, and conquer our sin. "God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."9 In our courtyard, we see guilt. Beyond the courtyard—at the cross—we see grace. And grace means what?
The comeback! Who preaches the sermon on Pentecost? Peter! Whose sermon converts three thousand people? Peter's! Who writes two books in the New Testament? Peter! Comebacks don't depend on how much we love Jesus. Comebacks depend on how much Jesus loves us. Comebacks don't rely on what we do for Jesus. Comebacks depend on what Jesus does for us. Comebacks don't rely on us giving our life for Jesus. Comebacks depend on Jesus giving His life for us.
See guilt for who he really is. A deadly monster? You bet. A painful feeling that can do great harm? No doubt. The tormentor of our souls? Count on it. But also count on this—guilt is a defeated enemy who has no bullets left in his gun. What’s that mean for us? Our story isn’t over when Jesus is in it. We can all come back from guilt. How? Grace and forgiveness paid for with the blood of Christ. In the Name of Jesus. Amen.
May the peace which passes understanding guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus
Kήρυξον τὸν λόγον
1Mark 14:26-31 (ESV).
2John 18:17 (ESV).
3John 18:25.
4John 18:26.
5John 18:27 (ESV).
62 Corinthians 7:10 (ESV).
7Luke 22:60-62 (ESV).
8Mark 8:34-36 (ESV).
9Romans 5:8 (ESV).